To just belong
by PrttyinBlack
Summary: Opposite-completely different; of a contrary kind. Or are they?..." the one that got away", term used for A person who you were originally supposed to end up with, but due to a cause of fate or by consequences caused by you or them, the relationship failed and as time goes by you wonder what you and that person could have been, making them 'the one that got away'. AU/AH OOC
1. Chapter One-Circle the Drain

Opposite-completely different; of a contrary kind.

Or are they?..." the one that got away", term used for A person who you were originally supposed to end up with, but due to a cause of fate or by consequences caused by you or them, the relationship failed and as time goes by you wonder what you and that person could have been, making them ''the one that got away''.

AU/AH OOC

CHAPTER ONE-CIRCLE THE DRAIN

**AN: This story talks about drug use, underage drinking, sexual activity. Its love its angst its humor its pain, its life in the eyes on what essentially is a child that believes they're grown enough (teenager) to make morally right decisions. Its life lessons, it is growing up and all the aches and pains that come along with it.**

**I don't own these characters, that's all SM, I have finally just chosen to have a play with them and see what falls out at the end, I have no following and no idea if ill even get one but basically, this is something for me, something I have longed to do. For the years that I have read fanfiction and I'm a little shocked to even say that it has been over 10 plus years when I thought about writing the characters in my story are the ones that always came to mind. This story in what was, in essence, a shell when I first thought of it years ago, finally wanted to grow. I'm not sure if it's because I have aged and I have become more adept at putting thought to paper or what, but this is my first attempt. No beta as well, unless I gain one this will be how it is. Be nice. Critique please, I'll welcome it with wide-open arms but don't be nasty because it'll fly over my head, so don't waste your time. Peace and love to all xo**

I'm sitting here on Rose's kitchen floor. I'm drunk. Who knows how much I have had of that, "changed to be stronger" Midori punch we made, but I'm down in the dumps. Jacob my ex-boyfriend from freshman year, that I have continued to pine for, all the way too senior year, just asked me and my sister Alice, who might I add is 27, 10 years older than me, if we wanted a threesome, I'm sick and… and… just plain repulsed the fuck out!.

I'm at Rose's 16th birthday party. Themed with an 'H' for Hale, Come dressed in something or someone starting with H. I'm currently dressed as a Hawaiian chick. The only exception was that you were not allowed to come as a hoe. Guess what? many ''hoe's'' came. How original. Rose was Pissed but now she is drunk and enthralled with her hippo dressed boyfriend, so she doesn't care.

Heelys clad feet appear in my line of sight as I'm counting tiles, I look up to see Seth. Seth and I have known each other since elementary school but tend to run in different circles now we are in high school. Though at parties them cliques don't seem to matter as much, suppose we all can put our difference aside for one night, too get drunk.

_"Hey Seth, what's up, long time see''_ I manage not to slur, so I realize I'm not too far gone.

_''hey yeah… it's been a while, what's got you sitting down in here''_ Seth is reserved while crouching down beside me, he has always been on the quieter side. I sadly don't know much about him even though we have known each other for so long.

_''Oh, you know boys,'' _throwing my hands up_ ''you know how it is, what else would a girl be doing on the floor in a kitchen, at what's probably 'the party of the century'?''_ I laugh, amused at my own mess. Looking around at the people milling about everywhere, drunk, high, who knows what else and some are even dancing. We pitched in to get club lights put up for the dance floor, smoke machine and all, and I'm here on the kitchen floor.

_''don't tell me you're still after Jacob? He is only after one thing Bells''_ yeah well, don't I know that?…. it's also the running joke that Bella Swan has goo-goo eyes for the fuck boy of the school. The difference is, I was his girlfriend once upon a time, the only one. He said he loved me and spoke of future kids when we used to make out behind the back of the church that his mom made us go to on Sundays. That Jacob doesn't seem to exist anymore, well if he does no one notices it. I'm not even sure people remember him as anything else, but I do though.

_''Yeah, I know that now, he has changed since we were together, I sometimes see the old Jacob and my hopes rise, fucking stupid I know. Anyway, what have you been up too? You still hang out with Edward?''_

Edward. where do I start? Can you have ''the one that got away when your only 16?''. Well if you can, he is it. We were the best of friends all through elementary, he was my first kiss in grade 4 and he even asked me to be his girlfriend that same night, I freaked out, called my mom to pick me up and didn't stay at his house that night. Can anyone say '' daddy issues'', even at that young age, I already had commitment and abandonment issues. We stayed friends though. That was until grade 6 camp, we had to pair up draw a partner's name out of a hat, and dance some stupid dance and he acted all weird towards me. I now know it most likely had something to do with the dynamics changing…. Maybe?, we were still kids, but attraction started to become a thing back at 11 or 12, being cool or not cool was an even bigger thing and I assume maybe I wasn't cool enough for him. I was the quiet girl that always got good grades. But Not long after returning from camp, some shit went down with my ''best friends'' Angela and Jessica and I did what I always do and ran away, thought it would be best to move from the beachside town I grew up in, to be with the aforementioned absentee dad in the city, what a fucking mistake that was, but that is a story for another time. I was back just in time for the start of freshman year of high school, only totaling a whole 5 months I'd been gone but when your young I guess that's a long time and A LOT can change. Back at my quiet beachside home town with my mum. With a whole world of new experiences and as Tyler said ''you've changed Bells, where has the quiet Bella gone?'' my response to that was. "Dead". It was funny at the time and kind of true, also quite morbid when you think about it.

_"Yeah, we still hang out, he dropped out of school not long ago. He is working, moving furniture but is also apprenticing at that tattoo shop across from the school"_

Though I didn't realize it back then Edward was headed down a dark path even when we were little, just little things that "kid Bella" decided not to acknowledge, I knew of the group he was hanging with now, they are not your typical stoner group in High School they do a lot more heavy crap, it scares me that he is one of the "group leaders", and I usually steer clear of them during school. I think the only words Edward had ever said to me between freshman year to now my senior year, is this one time. I went to one of the many beach parties that used to happen and followed Rose down into the "stoners hidey-hole" in the trees and bush, ''you don't belong here'' he said staring at my legs instead of up at me, he lit the cone on his bong took in a deep breath, blew it out and spat on the ground next to my foot. I wasn't sure how to act that night, but I was stunned and I won't lie and say I didn't feel that sting of hurt. Even now my past friendship with him meant something to me, clearly not so much to him.

_''oh yeah he was always into drawing and good at it too, I'm glad he is aiming to do something with it''_ I don't offer up much more. To the people that came from elementary school, knew me and Edward were inseparable, and then suddenly we were.

_"he mentions you sometimes…. Not… often and only when it's with people from back in elementary.''_

I have no words; how do I respond? I'd cut my losses long ago with Edward when I realized his life and mine were so vastly different. So different from each other, I wasn't even comfortable reaching out, just in case I got sucked in. I don't take myself as someone that would follow someone else blindly, but why even risk it?. My close friends respect my stance on hard drugs, they do them, unfortunately, but I don't, hard pass and they're ok with it, well there is no peer pressure anyway. I lost my brother to a drug overdose a few years ago and ever since I have been terrified and I mean petrified of anything harder than weed, and even then, I must be in a good place and atmosphere to even share a joint.

_''I don't know what the hell he talks about Seth, he has acted like I don't exist for the past 5 years except to tell me I don't belong. What could he possibly even know about me?'_' I look Seth in the eye trying to grasp what he is getting at, my anger boils to the surface at that comment for some reason but I try not to stew on it (ha good luck), Seth laughs quietly and shakes his head mumbling some shit about ''not tainting''. I don't understand? I didn't hear what he said properly… taint what?

_''you want his number? I'm sure he'd like to hear from you. You're his B, time won't change that''_ Seth smirks and takes my phone right out of my hand and programs Edwards number into it, then as simple as he appeared, gets up with a nod goodbye and walks out. I'm wondering about all the cryptic words, that probably mean nothing more than, he has brought me up in passing conversation. I always look too much into things, active imagination and all, it can sometimes be a curse.

I stare at my phone with its new contact ''Eddie''. He hated that name when we were kids. So I changed it to Edward.

I get up to get another drink then take a walk around the house and unenthusiastically look for Rose. She is sitting in the corner with her Boyfriend Quil. Pretty sure she plans to lose her virginity tonight. I'm sure I'll hear all about it tomorrow. Unfortunately for her, I don't believe Quil be giving her something to remember back on fondly, but I'll keep that to myself because last time I spoke ill of Quill, Rose cracked it at me and I really cannot be screwed dealing with Rose's many moods. Bitch being the most prominent.

I go back to my spot in the kitchen, on the floor. Its semi-quiet here and in the spur of the moment, and a pair a ball's I didn't know I had, but mostly the liquid courage I just finished off, I pull out my phone and search for Edwards Name, I press send on his number and put the phone to my ear. I listen to the ringing through the speaker. I have butterflies in my stomach for some unknown reason. I'm just an old friend looking to catch up. Right?

''Hello''

A girl answers and I freak. What the fuck has Seth thrown me into? Fuck...


	2. Chapter Two -Hello

CHAPTER TWO – HELLO

_"ah shit, I think I have been given the wrong number, sorry''_ shit shit shit fuck. Was Seth playing a trick on me, like what the hell?

I go to hang up when the girl on the other side interrupts my inner freak out.

_'' who did you think you were calling?''_ she asks, sounding a little defensive

_" oh….. um..… Ed…. Edward'' I stutter "I… um… I got his number off a mutual friend, he must have typed the number wrong or something, sorry if I woke you'_' I stumble out. Feeling foolish. I'm ready to hang up and forget about this stupid quest to maybe reconnect with a long-lost friend. Was that what I was doing?.

_"This is his number, I'm his girlfriend Tanya, he is asleep right now''_ she explains

_" oh ok…. um, I'm a friend of his… well, I was….. I guess in elementary school….. the mutual friend just gave me his number….. sorry'_' fuck what person calls at 2 am. Me. That's who

I hear a muffled laugh _'' I can give him a msg you called, and he will get back to you another time"_

_" oh yeah…. Sure…. That's awesome… we haven't spoken in years….. I don't really know what I was thinking… I guess I wasn't….. um its Bella by the way''_

Thinking she won't bother passing the msg on I end the call with a quick _''thanx… bye….''_

The night becomes blurry after that. The cops shut down the party not long after my call.

I wake up in my bed the next morning nursing one hell of a hangover. Those don't come often but when they do its due to mixing drinks. I stumble out of bed and go to the bathroom. Do my morning business and swallow some Advil with water, cupped in my hand from the bathroom tap. Moms already at work but her boyfriend Phil is home and just grins with a loud "MORNING"

Phil and mum have been together for 4 years, and he is an alright guy. Younger than her by a few years and hasn't quite got his shit together even though he has a good-paying job. My mom Renea works at the whole food store where she has worked most of her life. She was made to quit school, by my grandparents, at the age of 15 because she fell pregnant with my brother Paul, his dad never was involved from my understanding. Paul was 13 years older than me and had and obviously had a different dad, but after all that, Paul was taken from mom and raised by my grandparents. Renea went on a little later and at 17 she had my brother Riley and my sister Alice at 18, after marrying their dad. A few years later when Alice and Riley were 5 and 6 Renea divorced their dad, she met and fell in love with Charlie my dad not long after, dad helped raise Riley and Alice as his own but ruled with an iron fist or so I heard and they married and had me a few years later. But again mom got divorced from my father due to Charlie's paranoia that mom was always cheating among many other things. I was 3. I honestly believe that man broke my mother's soul.

Alice went on to follow in mom's footsteps had two kids at the age of 17 to her now ex-husband Benjamin, Jarred and Leah, my niece, and nephew are 10 years younger than me and are twins, and I would do absolutely anything for Leah and Jarred. Alice now single is going through a party faze and occasionally will join me and my friends on our adventures. I honestly don't know how to feel about it most of the time. I love my sister Alice but ever since her divorce I've become her babysitter instead of sister and we don't hang out as much.

_''thanx Phil for the loud welcome''_ I say sarcastically

_''anytime bells. Big night?''_

_''Yeah, you could say that''_ still slowly making my way downstairs of our 3-bedroom co-house on the water. I go straight to the kitchen to make a cup of tea.

_'' any plans for this beautiful Sunday bells?''_ Phil says this without taking his eyes off the game of football playing on the T.V

Yeah because sitting in front of the TV watching football is ''taking advantage' of this day.

With a beer in his hand, I wonder yet again what it is mom sees in him. I'll probably never know. He has a big dick I hear. can't just be that? can it?

_'' not sure yet, I have to check my phone, though Rose might be around soon''_

_'' cool, cool Bella, don't waste the day''_

I roll my eyes because like, what the hell is he doing?

Finishing my cup of tea, I head upstairs to shower. While washing my hair I remembered I called Edward last night and got his girlfriend. I panic when I think of what he would think about me calling. Does he think I am an idiot? Does he care? Will his girlfriend even tell him I called? I have to tell Rose all about it, I need someone to tell me I am being ridiculous and make me feel better about it all. I also have to tell her what Jacob asked me and Alice last night. Thank goodness there is nothing in my stomach otherwise it would have come up just now.

Going to my room with a towel around me and one around my hair I find my jean cut-offs, my bikinis, and a black tank top. If I am doing anything today it will be having a swim in the complex shared pool.

After getting dressed I pull all my pillow and blankets off my bed in search of my phone, finally finding it had slipped down between the wall and the bed. figures.

Shit 2 missed calls and 8 text msgs

Both calls are from Rose so I call her back and put her on a loudspeaker as I go through my texts. 4 are again from Rose asking what the hell was up.

_''holla bitch, what's happening''_ she chirps through the phone

_''you're awfully awake considering last night's activities''_ I say rolling my eyes because I know she is just busting at the seams to tell me all about last night's party, and of course, if it happened, how Quil ''popped her cherry''.

_''Oh please bells, you can't tell me last night's party didn't go off the fucking hook, the cops even had to come shut us down''_ see?

_''I know rose, I was there you know''_ something she forgot all about last night

_''yeah well, you kind of disappeared there for a bit so how the hell would I know hmm''_ she says this sarcastically and not angrily.

_"yeah well Jacob was being disgusting and I kind of lost my buzz. You know he asked me and Al for a threesome right?"_

_"your fucking kidding me, I knew the drugs were getting to him, but I didn't think it was that bad, that boy needs some sense knocked into him,"_ she says it like I already don't know that.

I sigh _'' any way what's happening today? Are you going to drag that hussy ass over her for a swim, it's so hot already''?_

She hums, thinking about it _'' well if anyone is a hussy, as you say, it isn't the person that's only just lost her vCard, unlike….. cough…. You….. cough''_ bitch please I'm pretty sure I'm a born again virgin, the one and only time at 13 doesn't count…. Right?

_'' Yeah well, we are calling it a tie now, anyway how was it?''_

She grunts _'' yeah well Quil decided to do speed last night and couldn't 'get off' so once he popped me it was as bad as a jackhammer you couldn't find the switch to turn it off, I eventually told him I was bored and rolled over and went to sleep''_ she says this like she doesn't care and it makes me sad. You see my point about him not making it memorable?. Yeah me too.

_''charming night then huh? Well, I'm going swimming are you coming or not?''_

_"yeah sure give me half an hour and I'll be there, buzz me in yeah?''_

_''sure see you then babe''_ I hang up going through my texts. One is from Jacob of course just telling me he was sorry but the pill he took last night gave him no filter, and that I have to know, how hot it would be to have two sisters. I don't even bother replying.

Texts 5 to 8 are Edward

My heart rate picks up a faster rhythm.

**-From: Edward 6.05am**

**Hi Stranger**

**-From: Edward 7.15am**

**So I got a piece of paper left on the toilet lid with a**

**msg to return the call of an old friend by the name of Bella.**

**-From: Edward 9.32am**

**want to catch up?**


	3. Chapter three- I'll be waiting

Chapter three- More than a memory

_**AN: Just a quick message to shout out my first reviewer. **__**sandy4321**__**. Small words but mean a lot. So thank you. Now onwards.**_

…

Shit. What do I say? Be cool Bella...

-To Edward

**Ha-ha hey! Yeah, Stranger is Quite fitting.**

**sorry if I caused trouble by calling. So random.**

**I caught up with Seth at a party, on the kitchen floor lol, **

**he said some stuff. Didn't make much sense really.**

**anyway, he put your number in my phone.**

**Under ''Eddie'' funny enough.**

**is that a joke or like do you go by that now?**

**sent:10.59am**

I grab my phone, some towels, and my suntan lotion and head downstairs in a daze.

_''hey Phil, Rose is on her way can you buzz her in when she gets here and send her down to the pool"_

_"sure"_ he grunts

I can't sit around waiting, I need the cool of the water to clear my head. I'm looking too much into this I know, but I always do.

Once I'm down at the pool I lay our towels down and sit to put some lotion on. I recall the details I remember of Edward, feeling a little dejected that he has a girlfriend. He is hot in the kind of standoffish, brooding type of guy. he has Bad boy written all over him. Tall and lean even under the baggy clothes he wears. I may not have spoken to him in school, but it doesn't mean I didn't notice him, how could you not? His hair is this copper color that you're not sure if it is brown or red. His face is something you see as an artist's muse from hundreds of years ago, all chiseled jaw, high cheekbones, and those lips, so proportionately full. Lick-able. Bite-able. Kissable.

_"gah,"_ I say out loud, throwing the suntan lotion bottle onto the chair next to me.

"_girl, are you still wasting precious energy on Jacob?''_

I jump not knowing Rose was right there.

_"shit woman you scared the hell out of me, and for your information. I wasn't thinking about Jacob. Which is nice, but I think I've moved from one bad situation to the next''_ sighing because I literally have, on one hand, I think I'm over Jacob. Which to anyone that knows me. That's a fucking good thing but have I moved onto another situation that could be just as lethal? if not more. I feel like I have more to lose with Edward. More is on the line. I'm not sure what exactly, I just feel it.

_'' not shit? Did you hook up last night, please tell me he was hot?"_

Laughing at Rose's antics I shake my head and bite my lip.

Rose doesn't really know about Edward like if you asked her who Edward Cullen is, she'd be able to tell you. She knows of him but doesn't know mine and his connection. How, what feels like a lifetime ago and what was literally a childhood crush on my best friend has now got me all hot and bothered just thinking about him now.

_"you know Edward Cullen, right?'_

_"oh yeah, I think so, red hair? Tall, skinny?"_ not how I would explain him obviously, but Rose has always leaned toward the burlier guys, football players, boxers all muscle no brain, you know the ones where their neck…. is kind of like the extension of their shoulders, it just goes head, straight to shoulders, instead of curving inwards?. Yep, you get what I'm getting at? She goes on to say that she doesn't recall him being at the party.

_" Oh…. nope...…. he wasn't there last night….. but"_

She cuts me off _"then what does he have to do with who you hooked up with?"_

_"ROSE"_ I yell

_"let me finish, he has nothing to do with who I hooked up with and for your information, I didn't hook up with anybody last night. Seth found me in the kitchen feeling sorry for myself just after Jacob asked me and Al for a threesome''_ I groan

_"we were chatting, and he mentioned Edward still talks about me on rare occasions, I don't know why, it's been years since he even acknowledged me….. since that beach party a few years ago you dragged me too"_

_"OOOOOH that's right he is the guy that said you didn't ''belong there'', what was with that, that was weird….. now I think back on it?"_ Rose is oiling up her body, she has a body even men are jealous of, it's your Kim Kardashian body but her ass isn't as ill proportion, long legs, and naturally white-blond hair and blue eyes. She could be a model, but she prefers to hang inside the hood of a car instead of over one.

I roll my eyes behind my shades _"well you see, Edward and I were best friends back in elementary school…."_

Cut off again "_your joking, right?_" she snaps her head back, looking at me _"that's something I didn't see coming, you two are like oil and water"_

_"yeah well we never used to be Ro, we used to do everything together swimming, sleepovers, climbing trees, bike riding, everything until we just…. didn't_" it makes me sad. I miss him. I have missed him. But the life he leads now though not too different from me though he is more heavily into the drugs from what I hear, and that scares me, my friends respect it but would he?. I know I'm not special enough for someone that I haven't spoken to in 5 years to respect that.

_'" what happened''?_ rose asks as she sits down beside the pool with her feet in. I decided to join her.

_"I'm not sure, it was year 6 camp, some leadership camp for student counsel selection, bonding with your peers and all that shit, anyway we had some dance on one night and he happened to pick each me, names in the hat chose the partner. He was awkward and didn't speak too much. I found it weird but after we went back to school I'd had a fight with Angela and Jess and I moved to be with my dad so it's all a little fuzzy after that. Once I came back from my dad's, things had changed, I had changed and we never spoke during high school"_ I huff out.

_"wow you to were really close? So what's the deal now?''_

_"Well, Seth put Edward's phone number in my phone after saying some stuff about how Edward would love to hear from me. I didn't take it seriously till I was drunk and bored, so I like….. called him at 2 am this morning"_ laughing I continue on at roses look of 'keep going'

_"random I know but, his girlfriend answered and I spat out some explanation of who I was and hung up, she said she would pass on the msg''_

_"and,"_ rose says moving her hands for me to get to the point.

''_I got three texts this morning, all about an hour apart_.''

I show rose the texts from Edward and my reply

_"well he hasn't' got back to you yet, do you think you'll ''catch up'' with him, whatever that means. That's weird don't you think?''_

_''I don't know I don't know anything, all I know is I harbor some feelings for him, probably always have and I've never been able to go through with them and now I can't even try''_

_"Hmm, do you know much about the girlfriend"_ rose asks while sliding into the pool to float on a pool noodle

_"sweet fuck-all, Seth didn't even bother to give me a heads up, like what the fuck is that all about?''_

_" don't know babes but you need to be careful, I'm not saying don't catch up with him, you have every right to do that but, don't get your heart hurt, I don't even think Jacob did that'_' I laugh out loud because that is true, though a may have followed him around like a lost puppy Jacob never even got close to hurting my heart, remember commitment issues. They come in handy….. some times.

Rose and I spend the day by the pool, sunbathing and chatting about who wore what last night and how good the photos will be. At about 4.30 Rose leaves to see Quil, and I head upstairs to nap, my headache went away but I'm a little tired.

Next thing I know my phone is going off somewhere from under my pillow, I pull it out and without checking who is calling I answer

_"mmm… hello?''_

Soft laughter over the phone _"even in sleep you sound fucking sexy"_

…_._

_**AN*** I'm new to this, I welcome reviews and constructive criticism. but I don't welcome all out nastiness.**_

_**I do not have a beta, so this is me myself and I.**_

_**Peace **_


	4. Chapter Four- Lips of an Angel

Chapter Four- Lips of an Angel

**AN**** shout out to team rob, ** ** back at you**

….

What the hell, I pull my phone away from my ear, SHIT! its Edward I fumble to put the phone back to my ear.

_" oh hey…. What's up. What are you on about?'''_ I stutter because one I'm talking to Edward and two I'm quite sure I'm still mostly asleep.

I hear a huff on the other side _"This is Edward right, rose didn't change the names to all my numbers did she?''_

_"Nah sweetness it's me….. sorry…. Mhmm… did I wake you its only 6.15pm…? I tried texting but you never replied and I don't have much free time"_…slight pause "_and you never really answered my question?''_

Grinning because I really have him on the other end of the phone line

_''Which was what Edward''_

_'' no one calls me that any more''_ he said more to himself

_'' my question about catching up, you still live in them co-houses down the road from my mums right?"_

Shit, he wants to catch up like now? That's a bit sudden.

_"yeah sure do…..um but… how did you know? like when were you thinking…?'' _I spluttered, no like seriously? How did he know?

_''Yeah well I'm kind of outside the gate"_

What the fuck, sure enough when I look out my window that overlooks the entrance of the complex he is standing there. One hand to his head holding the phone the other hand planted deep in his hoodie pockets, hood up over his head like he is hiding.

_"oh…alllllll righty then…'' _I hear him clear his throat_ ''fuck right I'll be down in a minute… my mom and her boyfriend are out for the night… I'll buzz you in''_

I run downstairs and pick up the intercom tell him through it will meet him on the driveway and buzz the gate to open.

Unlocking the front door I see Edward standing in the middle of the driveway probably trying to figure out which way I'll be coming from. I open the screen door and walk out, forgetting that I'm still only clad in my bikini top and cut-offs, that as an afterthought I remember are still undone after I just pulled up when I got out of the pool, Edward lets out a low whistle

I feel exposed like I'm standing naked, it is not like I haven't been out and about in just this before but something in the way he looks at me strips me bare.

_"ermmm…hi?"_ I wave slightly because you know… I'm an awkward numb nut.

He half grins at me and I'm instantly reminded he has some of the greenest eyes you could ever imagine and they're staring straight into my eyes and probably my mind. He can probably read everything from just one look. FUCK!

_"hey…. So…. Are you going to invite me in?"_

_"shit….. yeah ok … follow me"_

He follows me inside and I close the door gesturing him to follow the hallway to the living room, he takes a seat on the three-seater couch while I offer him a drink.

_"beer, vodka, juice wats your poison' _mom has always been lenient with me most likely due to the fact most of my life she has been a single working mother with no time, but I like to think it's because she is a cool mum and trusts me. Ha.

Not even looking up he asks for a beer.

Making myself a vodka and vanilla coke and then grabbing his beer, I walk around the bench and pass him his drink an sit down on the single-seat across from him.

It is quiet, Edward plays with the bottle cap from his beer, squashing it in half. I take a rather large gulp of my drink looking straight at him.

Edward looks up in this instance and gives me a crooked grin.

_"so you called?''_

I giggle _"yeah, yeah I did. I have no idea what my intentions were, Seth just had me wondering about you, you know,….. he offered your number up''_ he cuts me off

_''I'm glad he did, it is really good to see you B''_ his nickname stings and I think he sees that it does but doesn't say anything but yet again I could be wrong but something passes in his eyes.

I'm not drunk enough for this. I want to ask him what happened? Why now? Does it matter? Did it matter? But I can't and I won't, I'm overly sensitive about everything, I feel emotion about everything I feel strongly about the people I allow into my life and I know that's not how others may see things so it leaves me a lot of the time unfulfilled with conversations and even relationships.

_"so you're an apprentice Tattooist?''_ I ask I've always wanted a tattoo maybe he could do one for me. Maybe low on my hip. Anything really…

_"huh…. Yeah its hard work funny enough, but I enjoy it…..'''_ he tappers off that sentence like he has more to say but doesn't, it's frustrating me.

_''so what about you? What's next for my B Swan?"_ There it is again, and there is that sting that runs from my chest out through to my fingers and toes, what is that?

_'' I'm planning on University…. Zoology actually…... oh well hopefully"_

_"You always did love the fury and scaley B, I'm glad you're following your dreams…. Look I can't really stay long… I'm ah sorry…. But can we see each other again?"_

I watch as he swallows the last of his beer and I watch his Adam's apple bob. I could lick that. No, Bella, he has a Girlfriend.

I'm a little taken aback by his quick need to depart but what can I do?

_"yeah…. Sure… I guess?"_

standing up and letting him lead the way, I walk him to the door and press the gate button to open on my way passed the intercom.

He opens the front door as I am behind but before he opens the screen he turns to face me. The front door is at the end of a long hall, there is not much space so I feel his breath fan across my face and it's a mixture of beer and the faint smell of cigarette and something I think that may be entirely just Edward. He looks into my eyes then down to my lips and I instantly bite my bottom lip, I'm not so sure what is happening but the next thing I know Edward has me pinned against the wall, his hands on my hips with his thumbs caressing just under the top of my bikini bottoms just where I was previously thinking I'd want him to tattoo me. His whole body is pressed into mine and I can do nothing but shiver and look into his eyes with questions.

He brings one hand up and with his thumb pulls out my bottom lip

_"I wanted to do that" _he whispers

And then he does, his mouth is on mine, my hands are instantly in his hair and his hands are pulling my body so tightly against his that if I didn't want this just as much it would hurt.

But then it's like someone throws ice on me and I turn my head away. He moves his lips to my neck but the fever in the kiss has died.

He knows why I pulled away. My arms sag down beside myself while I look out through the screen door beside me.

_"I can't do this,"_ I whisper,_" I thought we were catching up as friends?_" looking back up into his eyes, Edward's hand is still on my hips but his eyes are watching his thumbs.

''_how'd you know where I lived?"_ He never answered my question

Edward steps away and pulls his hood up, reaches back to buzz the gate open again and steps out the door, turning back to me one last time, he puts his palm to my cheek

_"but don't you know who you are to me? He pauses then leans down to kiss my forehead….. "I know a lot more then you seem to think?''_

And then he is gone, out the gate and down the pitch-black pathway beside the apartments.

….

**AN**** I'm not limited to begging for reviews, come on, pahlease….. like, share, review and follow. Show this nervous woman some love **


	5. Chapter Five – Some One Like You

**AN***** wooo reviews, just imagine a 30 something-year-old woman sitting behind her computer at the god awful time of 5.06 AM, with no sleep trying like anything not to squeal like a pig in mud, because who wants to wake up the husband and explain that? Right ****angeleyes73**** & ****left in bits****, you** **rock my world xx**

**Pre-warning for chapter 5 and any chapters here on out. My story deals with things that humans with normal morals know right from wrong. But in my story, Bella's 'wants' are pushed past what is morally right. She makes mistakes and does feel guilty but her needs or what she ''think'' she needs outweigh it all sometimes. She is a teenager right now trying to find her way, she is irrational, selfish and mindless all parts of growing up. If these things make you uncomfortable this may not be the story for you**

**...**

Chapter Five – Some One Like You

By the time I pull myself away from the door and close it, I hear my phone ding with a Facebook notification. It is most likely is just Rose tagging me in photos, so I dawdle into the living room, picking up my drink off the kitchen bench on the way past.

I flick the tv on and browse through Netflix. Needing something to numb my brain, I stick on Gilmore Girls.

looking at my phone display it indicates I have been tagged in 105 new photos, 34 people have mentioned me in a comment and one new friend request.

Edward Cullen Requests to be your friend Accept Decline

I click onto Edward's profile and select 'message'. I'm a little put-off. I'm not sure if I'm angry because he shouldn't kiss another girl when he has a girlfriend. Sad at myself for wanting it so badly. And morally disjointed because I should be more adamant in my stance against cheating, but I can't help that I genuinely don't regret it. My lips still feel the tingle.

Edward Cullen

active 5 min ago

_**"do you think this a good idea?**_' I write

I close messenger and go through the photos, they're amazing and I go through them all and heart them all.

My phone dings with the world-wide known FB message alert

Edward Cullen

**" I'm kind of pissed I missed this**

**party, you look utterly mouth-watering"**

Bella Swan

_**"that's highly inappropriate**_

_**Edward, why are you doing this?"**_

I'm fuming and blushing all at once. How has it only been 24 hours?

Edward Cullen

**" what's highly inappropriate is you** **answering your door in barely a scrap** **of material covering your most** **forbidden places, B. THAT. Your body. Shouldn't be for all eyes. That's not the B I know"**

I'm seeing red. I'm seeing red that much I can hardly see straight. How dare he come back into my life expecting me to be who he once knew

Bella Swan

_**"you don't know anything Edward. **_

_**How dare you. I think this was a big mistake,**_

_**I'm not sure what game Seth was playing at but**_ _**this is not how I expected it to go. Who's eyes should it be for Edward, **_

_**certainly not for yours, as you so seem to think and besides I'm not the **_

_**11-year-old girl, you left her questioning why her best friend doesn't like her anymore"**_

**"…"**

I'm crying now, all-out sobbing. 36 hours ago Edward hadn't even crossed my mind in months and even then it was a fleeting thought of '' I wonder how he is" and now I'm crying because this stupid boy has awoken feelings in me that I didn't even know existed. Did Rose see he would hurt my heart? But how?

Edward Cullen

**"do you ever wonder about us? **

**We were each other's first kiss, **

**even though I and Angela were **

**elementary Bf and GF, she dared **

**us to kiss, do you ever wonder **

**what it would have been like if we were **

**each other's firsts for everything?'**'

WHAT THE FUCK?

I don't know how to reply, I have wondered that though even fleetingly wished it.

Bella Swan

_**"id be where your girlfriend is right now**_

_**Edward, id be Tanya, and that makes me ill. **_

_**Because if YOU did this to me, it'd kill me"**_

Edward Cullen

**"but you're not her B you never have been''**

**''I have work in 4 hours and then a shift at the shop''**

**''TTYL B "**

Edward Cullen

offline

I don't want to think about it, so I don't. I turn the TV off, take a shot of vodka and head to bed. I'll shower in the morning before school.

Morning comes and I'm happy to say with no hangover. I shower and wash my hair and dress for another hot day, only this time ill be dragging through classes. I pinch a couple of Renea's smokes on my way out the door, I usually only socially smoke but I can't do today without it.

I meet up with Rose and because we coordinated our schedules we have the same classes. We make it through to lunch and I need something more than water from that cafeteria.

_"Hey why don't we go over to the shop over the road'' _Rose says_ ''they have Slushies and... can I possibly convince you to skip to the beach for the rest of the day, Quils going surfing and I want to watch?''_ rose says with puppy dog eyes, but what she doesn't know is I don't need any convincing today.

_"no puppy dog eyes needed lets ditch, I need a smoke any way''_

_''you're not drinking though''_ rose looks at me with those eyes that see right through me

_'' yeah just a rough night sleep, stressed over end of year exams I guess''_ for some reason I don't want to tell Rose about Edward, I will but I'm just not sure how much, that right there makes me feel like I'm doing something illicit and if she ever found out she'd be hurt. I just hope if she does she will still want me around.

Once we have hit outside school ground I light a smoke, closing my eyes and sagging in relief as the nicotine does its job. I'm in a daze, sort of high because I don't smoke often and I wait outside the shop for rose while she gets our drinks. I close my eyes and lean my head back on a post.

'_'B?''_ id know that voice anywhere

I squint through one eye against the sun. Holy shit, fuck me sideways into next week. Edward Cullen is all tatted up. he had his Hoodie on the other night. He is wearing a black tank that is tight over his lean body and grey dickies hanging from his slender hips and every inch of his body from his wrists up and from his color bone down is an array of color and interesting designs, I would love to spend a weekend, naked, mapping them out, memorizing them. Asking questions about every one of them. He has a smoke hanging from the left side of his lip with his left hand full of paper, drawings I predict, in the other, he has keys that are halfway to unlocking his chevy impala, painted in a matt black, NICE!

_"wholly shit... fucking hell!"_ rose cries

_"who do I have to ride to get under her hood"_ rose almost drools_ "how did I not notice this before bells like really, you have me so stressed out over why you are stressing that I nearly missed this beast"_

Rose takes a breath to look between me and Edward. Edward has managed to put his stuff into the car and is now standing leaning over the roof of his car with his head turned back with a shit-eating grin on his face.

_"so Bella? You know this person"_ the hope in her eyes makes me role mine

_"Rose, Edward Cullen, you know him"_

_"yes I certainly do, though you look a little different in my memory, hey, so this is yours?'_

Edward looks to me, something flashing in his eyes but I can't read him so I just shrug my shoulders

_''yep''_ was his fantastic answer

_"Rose wipe your bottom lip before your wreck the paint job with your acid-like saliva"_

_"bitch you just don't appreciate what you have right in front of you"_

Edward coughs and turns his head away but not quick enough for me not to see the sly grin on his face.

Asshole!

Edward moves and gestures to rose to have a seat in upfront, then he walks over to me nudging me elbow to elbow.

_"so what are you doing skipping school?"_

I light another cigarette because bitch I need that. I blow my smoke out before I answer

_"I'm stressed"_ was my inane answer

_"where you headed"_

Rose decides to pipe up_ "the beach you should come…. Oh well… that's if you're done with work"_ she says nodding to the tattoo parlor

Edward hesitates "I can drop you, girls, there but I can't stay long"

"_done deal"_ rose yips. She got what she wanted out of this anyway

_"you! back seat bitch, I shotgun" I say,_ Rose smiles at me but it doesn't reach her eyes but gets into the back without a fight.

We arrive at the beach 5 minutes later, it is literally a ten-minute walk but I'm guessing Rose just wanted to ''hear that baby purr'' as she said.

Rose is already on the phone to Quil before we park and is telling me to meet her down there, that Quill is pissed about something and she has to go.

I swing my door open but don't get out. Leaning my head back I stare at the interior roof of Edwards car.

_"is it me?_' Edward says quietly

Slowly lifting my head to look out at the ocean for a few minutes, I decide to turn in my seat to face him. Edwards sits with his door open too, one leg out the door, slouched in his seat picking at his fingers.

_"where is all that bravado from the facebook messages Edward?'_

He puffs out a laugh? A breath? I don't know

He looks up at me then and his eyes are wild green like moss or algae.

_"it's there Bella, and it isn't going anywhere any time soon… so is it me? Stressing you out?"_ he asks then turns back to look at the waves

The sound of them crashing and the salt air whipping through the car is relaxing. I could go to sleep right here. I'm not stressed sitting right here, I realize.

''_ right now I'm not stressed. But I will be. And yes... it is you."_

suddenly out of nowhere he says _"come over Friday night? Meet Tanya have some cones and watch movies?''_

What the actual fuck!

_"you want to be friends? this is how it can happen... she won't be comfortable if we are always catching up and you never meeting each other" _he states matter of factly

_"OH!"_ I laugh without humor

_"your fucking for real? You expect me to be cool and calm and become besties with your girlfriend after... after... after THAT kiss?"_

_"that kiss….."_ he trails off shaking his head and doesn't finish. All he does is ask me if I'm staying here or if I need a lift somewhere else. I think about it because I don't want to be here anymore but all I can think is yeah, ill take a lift, on top of you. I'm screwed, can anyone else spell unrequited loved. Instead, I just shake my head in the negative.

I close the car door but hang in the open window, he looks up at me as he sticks the car in reverse.

_"I'll come. Pick me up at 7 pm Friday I don't smoke weed so have some vodka for me"_ he nods looking like I feel. Like this is a bad bad idea, and I lean out of the car and watch him drive off.

What the hell did I just agree to, I swear no ones going to break my heart, you know why? Because I'm going to do it for them. That's why…


	6. Chapter Six - She Don't Have to Know

**AN******* I know it may be strange to some, but 9 reviews are so awesome to me**. **Oh, also if you haven't already noticed the title of each chappie is a song title. just a heads up this upload rate won't continue. I will hope to get on a regular schedule and hopefully put up a new chapter every two to three days. but I am a mum and work full time so if my timing is a little off please don't hate me too much**

**...**

Chapter Six - She Don't Have to Know

The days of the week seem to pass in a blur. It's coming up to summer break and the end of our high school career. It's all ''this college'' and ''that college''. I've already been accepted into the zoology program at the local college. I'm not after prestige or clout, I just want to work with animals, always have, well I did originally want to be a marine biologist but it's kind of a given that you shouldn't throw up every time you touch foot on a boat so after the fateful barge ride over to some island for the freshman year camp we all went on, that dream went out the window. After sitting curled up in a ball under the seats on the lowest deck of the boat wishing death would come quickly. So next in line was land animals. I'm happy, my mom, I think is happy, to tell you the truth though, I wouldn't know. Mom has always been just a get out and work kind of woman. Earn money, pay your bills. Dreams are for people with their heads in the clouds. But with a full ride at college, due to somehow (don't ask me how) being pretty much an A grade student, even with the random days of ditching.

So, Friday rolled around quickly. I stuck around long enough for my morning biology class and then told Rose I was going home.

_"Yeah so, babe. I've text mom, I'm not feeling well…. I … ah may give this weekend a miss too... being the third wheeler means I need a break sometimes''_ I say sarcastically but what Rose will likely hear is, "I'm jealous of you and Quil and can't bear to see you two love birds together anymore"

Rose looks at me with a quirked eyebrow but seems to get over it quickly '' I'm sure babe… I was pretty much just going to hang out with Quil this weekend anyway" she prattles on further that he is finally spending time with just her instead of with his groupies and she has plans to take up all the time. Waggling her eyebrows at me.

I just shudder at the thought. I'm no prude, no sir. But secretly but not so secretly I absolutely despise Quil. He is an arrogant bastard that I believe doesn't love Rose as much if at all. I can't talk to her about it because she is instantly on the defense, so I just don't say shit anymore. She is nothing but arm candy to quill and the quicker she realizes this the easier and less heartbreaking it'll be for EVERYONE around and I mean me, I'm everyone. Don't get me wrong I love Rose, but she is stubborn, and pig-headed and can (most of the time) only sees things her way. We have had many a fight just because she is right and I'm not. Ever. She will get angry at me for something I do that she hates but will do the exact same thing to me and I'm just supposed to grin and bear it?

I may still be a little prickly over our last fight, something inconsequential now but it was the way she acted. Rose gets nasty if she even feels the slightest attack and I mean if I bring up something, I don't like she is on me and can say some nasty words.

I've slowly felt myself pull away from her these last few weeks. I love her I do but I just need space. I think.

I catch the bus home listening to Disturbed with my earphones. Most people wouldn't say this music is relaxing, but I find it that way. Loud, busy music. No room for the brain to think when they're loudly play in your ears.

*ping*

Facebook message

Edward Cullen

**Still on for tonight?**

Bella Swan

**I'm still not sure about this Eddie...**

Edward Cullen

**Don't call me that B!**

**What is there not to be sure about?**

**You are coming to hang out with a "friend"?**

Bella Swan

"**friends" do not! kiss "friends" like that **

**And why not? isn't that what all your "friends" call you?... Eddie**

I'm pushing him I know it. But I feel like I'm not getting the whole picture. Is he being vague on purpose or am I supposed to read in between the "lines"? I'm constantly questioning what is going on or if I understood what he was saying. He is making me feel dumb and naive. And I know I'm not and that frustrates me to no end.

Edward Cullen

**I said don't Bella… you don't call me that.**

**See you at 7!**

Edward Cullen offline…...

FUCK MY LIFE…... if I ever wanted to scream that at the top of my lungs now would be it. Now would be the perfect time to just punch shit and lose my cool but the forever polite law-abiding citizen (sometimes) Bella Swan stay quietly sits on her seat in the bus waiting for the next stop to get off.

Angrily swiping at my tears of frustration I storm off the bus and walk down the alleyway that short cuts towards home. I need a smoke and a swim. To Float aimlessly around the pool.

After hours in the pool, I finally decide to get out and go shower. I'm going to Edwards.

They say putting yourself in uncomfortable situations is the key to success…. Mm yeah, I'm not so sure this is classified as that.

I wash my hair I shave, I get out and moisturize I let my hair naturally dry. It hangs close to the natural bend in my waist and what used to be naturally brown hair is now dark roots getting lighter at the ends, done naturally by a hairdresser that is. Balayage is what I think they call it. I love it. I never want to go all over blonde but hate just a block color and this is the perfect in-between and on the plus side. Not much upkeep really. Yay.

I don't wear much makeup so some eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss. Boom! and I am done. I Put a little of the coconut fragrance oil on that I always wear and now I must think of clothes.

I want to wear my shortest short shorts and my tightest crop top but even I know meeting Edwards girlfriend in that is inappropriate.

I end up in a black denim skirt and black peplum top with a lace part covering from the top of my boobs up to my collarbone. Yep good. My Girls are covered but you can see the shape…. And size, a size I am secretly proud of, just a little more than a handful, a size i certainly didn't inherit from my mom, the skirt is above the knee but not inappropriately short and with a pair of ballet flats slipped on, I pack my handbag, grab a stash of cash for a "just in case", my phone charger, earphones, phone.

6.50 pm, just in time. I write mum a msg and tell her I'll be out, to call if she has a problem. and grab a pre-mix vodka and soda.

BUZZZZZZZZ

Knowing it was coming and hearing it was two different things. I still jumped out of my skin.

Hopping up off the couch, I go to press the gate button, grabbed my house keys and locked and pulled the door shut behind me.

Hands grab my hips from behind and pull me flush with their body

I manage to squeak out a surprise as Edward's nose skims up the back of my neck and around the side up to bite my ear lobe

_"no one should smell this good" _he whispers huskily into my ea_r_

I feel the full lengths of him behind me, engulfing me, and I mean I FEEL everything. In a moment of weakness, I push my back into his hardness and moan

Edward turns me around so fast my head spins. Or was my head spinning already?

With his face back in my neck, I feel his hands move agonizingly slow up my waist to my ribs stopping just short of breasts.

_"don't you know that B? how good you smell?_ Licking up my neck and around the shell of my ear _"good enough …...''_ he breaths deeply _"to e__at"_

have I died and gone to heaven. If he wasn't holding me, I'd be goo on the floor. I'm numb

Edward wedges a leg between my knees and puts pressure right where my body is crying for it. I can feel his hard length up against my own leg. Wetness pools in my panties.

Edward's nose keeps skimming down my neck and up the other side to my cheek, the side of my mouth and then he pulls away slightly just to do it all over again. Down one side up the other side. Just about to meet my lips and then pulls away.

All I can do is throw my head backward to allow him more access, in doing so though causes friction, oh so good friction and my moans come out as more of mewl.

Edwards hand travels back down its previous path but doesn't just don't stop at my hip.

I feel his fingers play with the hem of my skirt, but he wastes no time coming up the inside of my thigh.

I'm shaking. His hand skims the lace trim of my panties then slowly up the center. I cry out. Not even remembering that someone could hear or see for that matter.

_"Is this for me B?" _

_"mm mm B…. so wet….is it all for me?" _I'm a shameful hussy

_"Ed…. Ed…. Edward …. please more…..." _I'm cut off abruptly. Edward seems to be done teasing me and kisses me hard, his tongue instantly seeks entrance but so does his fingers at my center.

As Edward steals all oxygen from my mouth he steals and thoughts from my brain when two of his long fingers enter me. I'm so wet I can hear the sounds we make, but they only seem to turn me on more.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I would be embarrassed by this. I'm no virgin but NO ONE has made me like this before.

Edwards thumb joins the party and starts to rub circles on my clit while the two fingers inside me curl in the most delicious way.

Edward's tongue is still trying to find my tonsils. My brain is nowhere to be found.

He starts to move faster and I start to feel it in my toes but it is surging up my legs like a rocket on speed, the coil in my belly the tingle in my hands and then suddenly…. White stars burst behind my eyes and my toes curl and my fingers try to grasp the flat surface behind me. All the while Edward muffles my cry's with his mouth.

I'm spent

Send me off to LaLa land

I'm done

I sag against the wall and Edward holds me for a while longer. I slowly gain my wits about me but it's too late. What the fuck just happened

I'm still panting trying to wrap my head around just breathing but I can finally open my eyes

Edward's eyes are nearly black with something, lust? Most likely but it's more and I just can't figure out what it is but I feel like he thinks I should already know.

Edward pulls his hand away from my center and does what I thought would be disgusting but has me ready for round two, three and four.

He Licks his fingers

_"mm mm B…. you taste even better" _my mouth audibly pops open in shock, but my blush would give away that I'm not grossed out.

_"B…"_

_"Mmmmm yeah?"_

_"We have to go"_

Ice bucket. Splash. Fuck. ...

…

**AN****** sooooo what do you think. give me some... pwease. much LOVE**


	7. Chapter Seven- Riot Gril

**AN**** I started a FB account! where I'll be sharing some pictures along the way,**

** .9 if you have any problems please let me know and ill msg you the link. In the future, I may begin to share teasers and will also be able to answer questions.**

**Grandmachix and**** _Melissa Moyer_** **, .AMAZING thank you thank you** **thank you** **thank you**

**On a serious note, Australia is burning. I'm not joking. It's hot as hell here and we have had little to no rain all over all year. Before these fires we were already going through the biggest drought us Aussies have ever seen, farmers unable to keep up with feeding their animals and having to, unfortunately, put their cattle down, many towns even having their water cut off because there was just no water. But now we are up in Flames and as of now when I'm writing this, we have already lost 18 human lives with many still missing, homes, local business, industry all burnt to the ground in some of the most horrific sights I have ever seen, the sky glows red. We have also seen a detrimental impact that has happened to our native animals. And the decline to some already suffering species. There are many ways to help and I will be sharing links on Facebook. Even sharing it around will help. Peace and love to all xx**

….

Chapter Seven- Riot Girl

I went to Edwards. Why because I'm a glutton for punishment? A Masochist? A shameful hussy would more fitting but whatever I am. I went. I met Tanya. I didn't like Tanya, but I was good at hiding it. I don't like Tanya because she is Edwards Girlfriend like you think.

It's because she is all wrong, not just for Edward perse' but because something about her makes the hair rise on the back of my neck. I feel like she is fake. I don't know why because she was nothing but polite to me.

I met Tanya, we did watch movies in their room, that they shared, at Tanya parents' house. Yep, they live together. They did get high, but I couldn't even finish my second drink. My ''Moral'' fibers were being torn. Rubbed the wrong way, and I felt sick.

While Edward passed out, I was left there to sit with Tanya. She wasn't what I was expecting. I was expecting Extraordinary, I was expecting gorgeous. Why wouldn't I be? Have you seen Edward?

She was tall but in a lankier, too skinny way, with a strawberry blond hair, that wasn't natural if the dark long regrowth adorning her head was any indication. I can see that she would be pretty if she looked after herself but as it was, she looked unkempt, run-down, dark bruises under eyes and tiny sores scattered over what exposed skin I could see.

She was a junky… I wasn't upset like I should be. I pitied her. I don't put myself above people with addictions. But what drove this girl here, to this point?

Most of all I was angry at Edward for letting it happen. Did his lifestyle drag this girl in? or did he meet her in it? I think, I think or thought too highly of Edward. The boy I Knew, and the near man now passed out are so different. He was always wild but this, this isn't wild, it is reckless.

Edward Couldn't drive me home, so Tanya set me up in a spare room on a mattress. She was nice enough to lend me One of Edwards shirts to sleep in and so off I went.

I stared at the ceiling until the stress of the day had whittled out whatever energy I had left.

What seemed like minutes later I felt hands skimming up my bare legs and when I popped my eyes open, it was light out. Early still but it was morning.

_"ed… ed…. "_

I kick my leg to shake him off. What the fuck is he doing? I came to the decision as I drifted off last night that I can't do this. I'm not this person. Whatever this person is or should be. I can't be this person. It makes me feel dirty. Used. Manipulated.

Edward sits back on his haunches. Shirtless with a pair of boxes hanging dangerously low on his hips. The small smattering of hair leading down. But tattoos everywhere.

Has it been that long since he left school? How did he get so much work done?

I shake my head, steeling my resolve.

_"you need to take me home…. Now!"_ I start to gather my things and I slip my skirt back on under the shirt of Edwards I was wearing. Grab my discarded top and shove it on top of my bag

"_I would have preferred last night as I asked but since you were so far gone, I guess that wasn't possible… was it is Edward?"_

_"you are scolding me like my mother B… it makes how you look in my shirt very confusing for some…. Ummm other places"_ he looks down at his groin. My eyes follow his and I just gape at him.

_"I could give you something to do with that mouth B…. and it wouldn't be to scold me like a child"_

My mouth shuts with an audible pop. He grins at me. And all I can do groan.

Whispering because god forbid Tanya came in. _"I …. I… I can't fucking do this Edward. I'm not sure what YOU wanted from this from ME? but this certainly wasn't what I wanted…. nope…. Take me home EDDIE!"_ I say sarcastically "NOW!" I whisper yell

I stand up and he follows suit. But so quickly he had me pinned against the wall by my hips. I'm not awake enough for this shit.

_"DON'T! call me that, don't you ever just LISTEN!"_ he pulls away and pinches the bridge of his nose and breaths out a deep breath threw his nose. A raging bull comes to mind. But he didn't scare me. I see through this vale he has brought down on himself.

_"I'll go throw on some clothes…. meet me outside by the car,"_ he says as he retreats out of the room.

I'm done!

…..

….

….

_**15 Months later…**_

I was Done…. I am Done.

15 months ago, was the last time I spoke to Edward. I still thought about him. Everyday. My chest felt funny when I think of the empty space he took up in my heart, if only for a little while.

I finished school. I was done with the monotony of school life and have almost finished my first semester at college. I genuinely love college, besides living on campus and in my dorm room with no dorm friend, I felt freer than I have in years. I have thrown myself into my studies only occasionally catching up with a few friends and I now work part-time at the local veterinarian clinic and being there has made pick up some classes in domestic animal care. I also haven't Spoken to Rose in 10 months. We fought and we fought hard. She pointed out everything wrong about me, I'm plain, I'm quiet, I'm a prude and never want to have fun. I'm to Cautious as she lives my that stupid Acronym You only live once "YOLO!". Scratch my ears off, please. You may only live once, no one can say if we do or don't. but I always pictured my life easier than the one mom and I lead. I don't want to struggle I don't want to wonder how to pay rent this month. I refuse to live that way. I also always wanted to have a career, not just a job.

So here I am. Doing my shit…. alone. As Always

It is Friday and my friend Mike convinced me I need to have some fun. Our finals are done. Mike is done with College altogether. He went to the same school as us all but was a fair few years ahead of us but he somehow was part of our group. I didn't have much to do with him while in school except for a random hook me and Mike had one night down the beach. Rose later that night when we went home wouldn't stop going on about it

_"you know who you just hooked up with right? MIKE NEWTON…. Newton"_ she exclaimed on and on like he was some celebrity. I laid beside her until her words just drowned out and I fell asleep

A week later Rose broke up with Quil. We fought. My simple words of "you're better off" set Rose on a massive tirade of me being jealous AND selfish. I just walked away. I Stopped answering the abusive texts and went on about my life.

Later I go on to find out not long after Rose's break up, she began hooking up with Mike. From my understanding it was never something official, all the guys just knew not to Touch Rose, but it was on the down-low from my estimation because I'm pretty sure Mike had a girlfriend out of town at the start of his fling with Rose. I didn't care I didn't feel anything for him. Don't get me wrong, Mike is Gorgeous with his Blue eyes and blonde hair, a smile that should belong on the front cover of some magazine listing off America's most eligible bachelors. He is Tall, Lean but also Built very well. Mike and I were always just meant to be Friends and over the months we caught up, occasionally. More so in recent months as, whatever he and Rose had going on, ended. Glad I'm not there for that one

Mike messaged to go out and celebrate with some of his other mates. I didn't need much convincing.

It's now 7.30 pm. I have just had my shower. I'm meeting Mike and his goonies at 9.30 at Morning stars bar. I'm standing in front of my closet trying to decide what to wear. I got a fake ID, pretty much everyone I know has one.

I must find something less immature more "grown-up"

I pull out my six-inch heel studded booties, a pair of distressed ripped skinny jeans and my black cut of crop vest. Throwing on a grey thermal tank under the cropped vest as it'll be cold outside. Some earrings to complete the look.

Moving onto my hair that is now semi-dry, I grab some mouse and scrunch it in, adding more curl and an organized mess to my hair.

I go a little heavier than my norm with my makeup. With the radio playing RnB Fridays in the background I begin to do my makeup. Adding foundation bronzer because I have lost my summer glow and blush and doing a Smokey eye, curling my eyelashes adding a lot of mascara and finish off with some gloss. The perfume will be Dior- Hypnotic poison, my choice for the evening, and done.

I have a slight problem with perfumes, that is that I love them! I don't spend much money, mostly saving my paycheck so I can try to get a place of my own second year and I'm out of the dorm, my job doesn't pay too bad and in turn, I have a chance to splurge if I wanted. I don't usually but a good perfume I just can't walk past. Plus, my not good for much father does add a small amount each week to my account to help with school. I'm saving that too. Thanx daddy. (sarcasm at its finest)

I called for an uber 25 minutes ago and my phone alerts me to its arrival. My Bag already packed I exit the dorm, get in the car and tell Mr uber the place.

Pulling up I can see Mike and his friends goofing around for me. I had Text Mike letting him know I was on my way.

Loud obnoxious catcall and low whistles echo around the parking lot of the bar. I grin at Mike as I walk towards the group

Mike grabs me up in a bear hug

_"looking good bells….. looking good. I may have to set the boys to work tonight to make sure no one touches you"_ I blush at Mike's word, I felt good tonight even dare to say sexy, but Roses words have been the devil on my shoulder for a while now. My mind tells me that Mike's just happy to be out that he is lying to me to make sure I don't ruin his fun. Who knows what Rose has told him about me? I also remind myself that he texts me and not her. It helps but not much.

_"don't be a dick Mike, and stop talking shit_" I laugh, and he guides me inside mumbling something about "_not seeing her self clearly_". But I didn't catch it all and didn't understand

Mike has already ordered me a drink and found a table in between the dance floor and the bar. Good position.

Three and a half drinks in and the boys are getting rowdy and girls have started coming up to the table to chat to them, Mike the good friend he is staying by my side. We talk and catch up. Joke around and even occasionally flirt and have a dance or two. I know there is nothing else there it is just all in fun, so I just enjoy the no drama.

I finish my drink when we get back to the table and let Mike know I'm headed to the bar.

_"you want another,"_ I say to Mike indicating to his drink, he just winks at me and smacks my ass on my way passed.

I stop dead in my tracks when I'm about a table length away from the bar.

Edward is stood there with Seth and Tanya. He hasn't seen me yet and I have all intentions to get the fuck out of dodge when

_"OI BELLS… CAN YOU GRAB TWO AND ILL GET YOUR NEXT TWO NEXT ROUND"_ Mike yells? I cringe.

Edward's eyes instantly find mine and I feel like he is burning a hole through my entire being as his eyes take me in from head to toe, his eyes slightly widening when getting to my feet.

Curse you Mike Newton, Curse You!

….

**AN***** quick note to say this story will jump in some periods. I want a semi-long story but also don't want to fill this with crap. Again, Like follow and also check out my FB page for visuals. Face book address and then **** .9**

**Also, Pray for Australia **

**Love and peace xx**


	8. Chapter Eight- Side to side

_**AN*** **__**bmjtc4**__** thank you. Much love**_

….

Chapter Eight- Side to side

I watch as Tanya spots me as well. She looks to Edward, but he is still too busy drilling holes into my head to notice and so she huffs and storms out past me to the exit. I watch her as she leaves.

What was that all about?

Feeling big hands on my shoulders I turn my head to see who it is

"_your much to pretty for that one bells…. beside I think she is missing a very important part of the anatomy for your tastes?"_

I giggle a Mike and nudge him away

"_what's wrong I was just coming to help you cart the drinks back to the table"_

Before I get to answer I hear a throat clearing in front of me

"_Bella….?"_

"_oh…. Hey Ed…." _I'm still angry at Edward. Mm, Maybe not but I'm hurt. No text. No nothing

"_hey! Eddie"_ I smirk sarcastically raising one eyebrow. Why does he have to look so good? He has filled out since the last time a had seen him. His face doesn't look as gaunt. Edward has even had a haircut. Still messy on top but you can see around the side have been nicely cleaned up. He is standing just shy of being to close. And lord help me does he smell good

Edward shakes his head at me while looking at his shoes

"_how you been"_ he asks

Mike is still Standing behind me but has moved one of his arms to rest just over above my chest. Anyone else would see it as possessive. But I know it's not

"_ah yeah I've been great…. Ahh, this is Mike… Mike This is Eddie…."_

Cut off by mike

"_yeah we know each other…. how are you_?"

Mike reaches out to Shake Edward's hand, it was brief and cold and most likely only done for show

Edward rubs his neck, shakes his head again. He looks slightly uncomfortable. And I grin slightly.

"_yeah not bad man... not bad"_

There is this moment of awkward silence. then Mike lets me know he is going to grab the drinks, he is parched and suddenly gained an English accent for a minute as he says, "I'm Parched". Goofing off Mike runs off clicking his heals together. I laugh out loud at Mike's antics. There is a reason he is my friend. He is funny and genuine (most of the time) he is this big kid in a nice-looking grown man body and fiercely protective of the people he cares about. Don't get me wrong though Mike can be dangerous, he has been caught on the wrong side of the law far too many times than I'd like to know. He has anger issues. He doesn't control those anger issues either and already has a decent wrap sheet. I'm just glad I've never been on the other side of his personality. Basically, he is jock with an attitude. He also drinks a lot, it concerns me but when I do hang out with sometimes, I suggest doing other things instead of drinking to let him know it's not all I'm after with him. He has tried to teach me to surf, we also just get in his car and cruise around listening to music. He is fun to have around and as time goes by, I can't see he will easily become an important part of my life.

_"that's pretty,_" Edward says

_"hmmm?"_ is my intelligent reply

"_your laugh… it's pretty… I haven't heard it for a long time…. I forgot…"_ he trails off

"_ah? Thanx"_ GO BELLA, you so smart

"_you wanna go have a smoke?"_ he offers

Yes! Yes! I do please

"_sure, just... let me go tell Mike I'm going outside and grab my drink…. ill …. Mm meet you out there?"_

Edward just nods and walks out

Walking back over to the table Mike has a little blond hanging off him. My first thought was wow! could you imagine the babies? She was pretty, petite and curvy. I hope she is nice

''Mike! ….. I'm going for a cigarette…" grabbing my bag and drink, Mike just grins at me, points at the girl behind her back and thumbs-ups me.

I walk outside giggling. Mike likes this one

Sitting in the far corner, slouch with a smoke hanging unlit from his lips is Edward. Frowning down at his phone.

I quietly approach and sit down beside him. I rummage through my bag to find my smokes and a light. I find my smokes pull one out, but I can't find my lighter

"_Need a light?"_

I look up and Edwards wearing his customary half-grin

"_how original Edward_" but he lights my smoke, as I exhale, I lean back against the wall beside him. He starts light knowing is knee against mine, frowning at it also like it done something wrong

"_how's Tanya?"_

"_So, you with Mike now?"_

We both talk at the same time

"_s... sorry what …. did you say?"_ I sputter out

"_You're with Mike"_ he states not asks

"_um…. stop reading whatever news report you read Eddie…. It is false_"

He groans in frustration and runs his hand down his face

"_please Bella. I've asked so many times…... don't. call. me. that!"_ he punctuates

I stare at the ash on the floor that I just flicked there, slowly blowing away from the draft coming in under the dividers for the smoking area.

"_why?"_ I'm full of intelligent conversation tonight

"_because I'm Edward to you…... you look at me like… like… like when we were kids"_

Is that emotion I sense? Any time I have interacted with Edward, it has been borderline like talking to a robot. Like he isn't all there.

"_you were Edward to me"_ I state as a matter of fact. "_I'm not sure who you are anymore"_ I finally turn to look him in the eyes. I want him to see what he has done to me, what I haven't even admitted to myself really

"_Ed...Ward…. you talk to me like I should know more. I feel like I should be reading between some metaphorical lines, but the words aren't there. You look at me so intensely but speak like a dam ROBOT most of the time!"_ I take a deep breath

"wh.." he tries to say something

"_ah. NOPE, I'm not done…."_ I quietened my voice a little just in case

"_you made me want you even though you are so not available. You made me feel naive and used and manipulated…. E.d.w.a.r.d" quieter again "you made me feel dirty but most of all…. You made me fucking love you…. Again … somehow_?" did I ever stop? Can a child love someone, not of the family, like love, love someone at such a young age?

Looking back up at Edward because of somewhere along with my tirade I started looking at my feet. All I see is Edward blinking back at me, lips slightly parted taking short breaths

His phone ping in that moment and he frowns shakes his head and looks down.

Hmm, that's it then?

Standing up and situating himself in front of me, he looks down at me

"I have to leave Bella…. I'm…. I'm…. I have to go"

I don't say anything. Palm to my cheek he stares into my eyes then He kisses me on the forehead and without another word he walks away.

I guess, I guess

I guess I'm not done.

…..

**Like follow and also check out my FB page for visuals. Face book address and then **** .9**

**Also, Pray for Australia **

**Love and peace xx**


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